BIDAI…Painful yet Beautiful…

FAREWELL…or as we Indians call it…BIDAI

It is one the most emotional part of Indian Wedding Ceremony…when all marriage rituals are over and bride and groom are officially declared man and wife…comes the last yet most important custom of Indian Weddings…where bride leaves her family forever to start a new life with her husband and his family…

I know some of you might be thinking so “what’s the big deal?”…but for every Indian Girl it is a big deal…majority of the girls in India still live with their parents until they get married and once we are married, we are not allowed to come back at our parents place ever…only under extremely special circumstances (like divorce or widow)…we are allowed to visit them but it can never bring back old times…

I have all rights at my parents place before I got married…but once Vicky tied the mangal sutra (holy chain) around my neck, everything changed overnight…previously, I used to make demands for every little or big thing from my parents but now I have stopped asking for anything from them…it’s not that I can’t or they love me any less…but I have a family and all my financial, physical and mental responsibilities lies on shoulders of my husband…fortunately, Vicky fulfills all my demands without ever asking for…

I know my parents will do everything till their last breathe…but something changed inside me…I don’t know what…may be this custom is so deeply rooted in Indian Culture that unconsciously it changes our mindset…

Now I asked for every little thing to Vicky and that pisses off my parents sometimes…they are like you are still our daughter and he is our son now…so why do you behave like a stranger…I tell them one thing “I know that you love us a lot…but let me make my life on my shoulders…let me live with my self-respect and esteem…let me be proud of myself…let me learn from my own mistakes, I know it might hurt me or injured me badly but don’t support me…let me have the courage to stand back on my feet…because you are not going to be there for me all the time and still if someday I lose everything my money and my courage to stand again…I know I can look up to you…till then let me live and learn”

It’s been two years I miss them at times…initially it was difficult but now I am trying to live without them…it’s not going to be easy…after all I spend 25 years of my life with them…

There is an old saying in India “Once a girl gets married and enters her husband’s house…she can only leave that house on her death bed”…I know it sounds way to dramatic…but this is what all Indian believe till date…

In older days, bidding farewell to parents was more difficult for girls because there were no modes of transport and communication…once she’s gone…means she’s gone, if she would be lucky enough she might get a chance to see her parents again in her life…

Now…it’s totally different and lot more easier…no man in this world can understand this because he doesn’t have to ask anyone for permission for anything…but once we girls are married we have to ask or inform (if husband is decent) husbands or to make it worst sometimes in  laws…now if a girl’s husband is good and understanding (which hardly happens) she will be given permission to visit her parents time to time…

But sometimes husbands and in laws both sucks…I enjoy this show at one of my in laws relatives…they have three daughter in law and they live together under same roof aka they have a joint family…now parents by law never allow their daughters by law to visit their parents place…I know orthodox is the only word for their family…I really feel sorry for them at times…

I feel blessed to have great husband and in laws, who provides me enough space…I also understand that it is a part of life or shall I say it’s a never ending cycle which keeps on rolling…one day I will have kids and they will move on too…

Two weeks ago my cousin got married…I didn’t cry in my cousin’s wedding, I was little emotional but at the same time I was happy for her…as per Indian Standard’s, she got married very late, everyone in the family had lost hopes of her marriage…so when marriage actually happened, we all were happy while kissing goodbye to her…I would like to give her loads of best wishes…May God Bless them…

‘Six letters, two words, easy to say, hard to explain, harder to do; MOVE ON’

Still Struggling…Love    AARYA

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8 thoughts on “BIDAI…Painful yet Beautiful…”

  1. Aarya, man o man, I would probably last one week in India before the authorities kicked me out or me braking some of your traditions….you gotta come to Spain, leave your husband, have no kids, be with me and have fun for the rest of our life´s. I am a pretty funny guy, at least I think so which is the important thing. Plus I´m great with s..x !………kidding 😉

    Glad you are happy with your own life and that you do have your space, most of the Indian girls I know they seem a bit miserable to tell you the truth and seem to really not be able to do the things that they want to do because of those traditions. Seems to me anyways, might be wrong.

    1. I wish I have mwt you early…I would be sitting in Spain and must be having gala time with you 😉

      We dont allow our girls to live life on their terms…before marriage they have to obey their parents and after marriage they have to obey their husbands…its kind of slavery…with better food and clothes

      1. Kind of slavery with better food and clothes….man, although that sentence was tragically-funny, I still can´t get my head wrapped around that type of culture. I probably would end up in jail in a minute.

        But you seem to be happy so that´s important.

      2. Hahaha…dont you wont end up in jail…I will rescue you…

        I am…people are changing but its upto you whether you want to scarifice and marry the guy your parents hav chosen for you…or you want to live life on your terms 🙂

  2. Aarya know what you say is true – I lived in India for years and watched it happening. A Spanish friend visited me but she couldn’t stay long as she was very angry about these old traditions. I am SO glad that you are happy with both your husband and your in laws. I witnessed first hand how harsh in laws can be on their sons wives … you are servants at best, slaves maybe more accurate! Did manage to talk a couple of husbands into allowing their wives to visit their families, but for us farangi it is so harsh. How far are you from your parents home? They must miss you terribly …

    1. Large percentage of women are suffering in India…and at times they themselves are responsible for their lives…educated women can’t take a stand leave the rest aside…fortunately my parents and in laws stay in the same city 🙂

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