A confession to mom…

Six months ago, when dad told me that get ready mom is no more…I thought I lost you…I swear I felt as if someone had hit me hard, I lost sensation for few minutes till I came to know that I lost my mother in law…I was so happy to see you in that moment…it doesn’t mean that I don’t love my mother in law…but mom is a mom…no one can take her place ever…

Maa…I would like to confess few things…it’s not that I haven’t confessed it in front of her or others…but today I want to make it in writing…

I know I was always pain in the ass 🙂 …though things haven’t changed much, I am still a pain in the ass… since the day you conceived, I was a discomfort…your nine months were gone in pain…I can’t stand vomiting and high fever for a week, you suffered for nine months…you didn’t know that you were carrying a monster like me…if it was possible I would have asked you to get rid of me…still you looked after me for nine months…and little demon was born…everyone was happy and celebrating but soon I started making trouble…high fever, uncountable hospital visits, uncountable injections and drips, month after month, year after year…you don’t even remember how many times you visited temple to pray for my good health to pray that I survive but hopes were dim…but I guess your love was so strong, your prayer was so strong that I survived but I guess again if it was possible I would have asked you to get rid of me, but again you didn’t…

Time started moving ahead and I was also growing up…but I was a monster…I made your life hell…with my tantrums, I didn’t want to eat, this sucks…I don’t want to wear this dress, it’s pathetic…I don’t like you, you are horrible…I hate you, why don’t you go somewhere…why don’t you leave me alone…why don’t you die…you tolerated all this hatred without ever saying a thing…I always misbehaved with you, I always insulted you in public…I never respected you…if you could have wanted you could have left me, but you never did…you stuck with me and still are…

I remember the days when you used to sit with me day and night…you used to make sure that I have completed my homework…you used to study with me for hours, I was a slow learner…but you understood my weakness and you always supported it and you also made my teachers to understand my problem…you understood that I was not dumb, I just used to take more time in grasping things…do you remember I made your life miserable when I met Vicky…I used to lie so much to you but it was not my fault…you didn’t understand that I was growing up and needed my space…I know I said so many horrible things to you during those days…I know I can’t take it back but mamma I am so sorry…I never meant it…it’s just I wanted you except it that I have a boyfriend but you never even tried to ask me about him…and don’t mind but you know that you are a control freak even Bro agrees that…you tried to control my life so much it made me rebel against you…

I know you didn’t like it that I lied to you millions of times…but I can’t help it…you put so many restrictions on me…don’t go out with friends, don’t hang out with boys, don’t do this what will the world say…you never trusted me, you never had faith in me…maa you have raised me you should have some faith in your upbringing…I would have never done anything that would harm your respect and prestige in the society…

We have always shared love and hate relationship…I remember days when you used to talk to me about my first period…boys…sex…relations…life and what not…if I will compare you with my friends mom, you are the coolest and sexiest mom…you taught me about periods…sex…my first time…which no one till date any mom in India will feel comfortable with…I remember our crazy shopping sprees…movies gosh we have watched so many movies together…I remember the times when instead of buying clothes for yourself you used to buy for me saying I will have it next time and there was no next time…and lunches and dinners…you are great cook mom and I am not saying this because she is my mom…this is what everyone else say about her excellent cooking skills…

I remember the days when you used to dance with me for hours…when you used to wait behind in the dressing room before my every performance…when you used to encourage me after my every failure…do you remember my performance during Republic Day…that was my best performance till date…I was dancing on the full swing but suddenly cassette got stuck in the system and I had to leave the stage in between…I cried so much back stage, but you were more worried about my make up because of my next performance 😀  …

You always stood by me in better and worse…you stood by me when everyone was against my marriage…you fought with your dad, something you never did in your life…you are still standing beside me asking me every day to stand by my husband…you are not like those typical Indian moms who bitch about their daughters love marriage and make sure that their daughter split from her husband…you want me to stick with my marriage…

You are the kind of best friend that every girl needs to have…I am so lucky and blessed to have an awesome and sexy mom like you…you are my backbone…wherever I am today, whatever I am today…it’s because of you…I am from you…my whole life is from you…my identity is from you…you are my identity…I don’t know about others but I ask God every now and then that I would like to have you as my mother in every life after life…I know I haven’t done anything so far that can make you proud of me but Maa I am so proud to have you as my mother…

I know I can’t take back all those horrible things that I have said to you…I know I can’t give you back those moments and those days when you wanted to enjoy and smile but I made it miserable and horrible for you…but today I want to say SORRY for all those days…I know a Sorry can’t mend it but it will make me feel light…I am so sorry Mum…I love you and will always love you…

Feeling too emotional at every word…my heart weeping…AARYA

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7 thoughts on “A confession to mom…”

  1. Yes it is…I always thought of confessing it front of people but I guess that will be more difficult for me…I will cry more instead of talking…so for the time being I wrote it… 🙂

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